I am trying to join an online forum or chat for veterans with PTSD but I can't even make sense of the web pages. It just looks like jibberish to me- so I came back to this blog. It's clear and concise. I know how to use it and it allows me to get my thoughts out quickly- before I lose them again.
I am a combat Veteran and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am 80% disabled according to the Veterans' Administration, which means that I should still be able to hold down a job- and I am...mostly. What I know for sure, is that I'm getting worse. I only feel safe at home or with close friends. I can't be around people, crowds, loud noises or close quarters. I get anxious and then my mind turns into a foggy nothingness. It's strange. I can see, I can hear and I can somewhat make sense of things- but I can't think. I can't concentrate, focus or make decisions. It's like when something terrible has just happened and you can't get yourself to "snap out of it". Then, I'm completely dibilitated. I can't drive or function and usually have to go to bed. This is my life. I take 9 or more pills a day, so that I can be normal and make it to work, interact with people and then, hopefully, make it back home without having to pull over and nap. Yep, ....this is my life.
I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep this going. I'm exhausted. My mind is jello and I'm just going with the flow- following others around and trying to lay low so that I don't get in trouble at work. It takes every ounce of energy to wake up and do it all over again. There is a lot more to this than I am willing to write- only because my Grandmother reads this and I don't want her to worry. ...So this is me for now...we will see how tomorrow goes
